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| Pregnant and unaware |
When I found out I was expecting, very shortly after writing about my miscarriage and mild, mild struggle with conceiving, I felt almost foolish for starting to share my story hear because my timing seemed almost obnoxious. I since decided that it's not obnoxious (but I'm probably a slightly paranoid person for worrying over something like that). I've gone back and forth about blogging the pregnancy and at this point, have decided that I DO, in fact, want to do so.
Of course, I cannot ever keep far from my thoughts all of the mothers/mothers-in-waiting who are dealing with loss, infertility, subinfertilty, etc. My struggle pales in comparison to so many others. Knowing even a portion of the pain they are facing makes my eyes sting with tears. At the risk of sounding like I'm over-emoting, I truly have been changed by the struggle to get pregnant and I hope my compassion for others in similar or worse situations never diminishes. You are all always in my prayers.
RECAP
I have to start by first saying how happy I am to be out of the first trimester. While I had it much easier than some women, it is NOT an easy time. Many evenings were spent moaning on the couch wondering how other women do this when the already HAVE children. Couple the sickness with the extreme worry I felt and I'm just so glad to be in the second trimester. Despite all the bad though, I'd do it all again for the life in my womb.
I hope to have several more children and would love to be able to look back and remember what each pregnancy was like, so here we go with a trimester recap!
HOW I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT
Austin and I were definitely trying to get pregnant, but hadn't been having tons of luck. I struggle with PCOS and sporadic cycles and was pretty sure that this time wasn't our time. Nonetheless, I was 10 days post-ovulation and had a billion cheap test strips calling my name. I took a test and promptly forgot about it for 30 minutes. Let me just say, I've read other women's stories who claimed they "forgot" about the test and I NEVER understood how that was possible. I'm the gal who stared unflinchingly at the test strip, heart pounding like crazy, until a negative result was confirmed. The fact that I forgot really illustrates how little I thought I was pregnant.
When I remembered 30 minutes later, I casually sauntered back to the bathroom and nearly fell over when I saw a faint second line. I immediately teared up and had trouble breathing. I spent the next 20 minutes pacing frantically around the house trying to decided what to do next. I ended up calling into work to let them know I'd be in at noon. Afterward, I ran to CVS and purchased several more types of tests to have them all confirm what the first had already said. So. Happy. But also, so, so nervous.
HOW I TOLD AUSTIN
I was way too nervous/anxious to come up with any grand way of breaking the news. I waited for him to get home that evening after work and then demanded that we go out to get dinner. I had wanted to wait until we got to the restaurant so that I could pass on a drink and tell him why. I ended up just showing him the test as soon as we hopped in the car. There were tears and hugs and lots of laughs.
HOW WE TOLD OUR FAMILIES
The days the we announced to each of our families were probably two of the happiest days I've lived. Both sets of parents knew that we'd suffered a miscarriage prior, so getting to make a happy announcement this time was so sweet. We were home for Christmas, about 11 weeks pregnant, and had seen the baby's heartbeat twice.
We told my family first. This is the first grandchild on my side, so it was extra exciting! We had to somewhat rush it because other extended family was scheduled to arrive about an hour after we were able to get to my parents house and we wanted to be able to tell them alone before others found out. We got two children's book and wrapped 'em up. We told my parents that we had an early present for each of them and had them sit by one another on the couch to open the gifts simultaneously. My mom got it immediately and burst into tears. My dad had to look at both my mom's and his books before he put it together. Again...lots of tears and hugs and laughter.
We told Austin's whole family (3 siblings/spouses, grandparents, and nieces/nephews) the next day before out big Christmas meal. Austin interrupted before the prayer and said we had one quick gift to give before everyone ate. We had to announce pretty quickly because people would have been SUPER suspicious if I didn't indulge in some wine with my meal. For his parents (who already have three grandchildren), we told them the gift was for them, but couldn't be delivered in time (har har), so we wrapped up a picture instead. This is getting grotesquely predictable, but yes, tears, hugs, laughter, etc. Both moments will not be soon forgotten.
SYMPTOMS
Cravings: These weren't terribly strong/consistent. I had a lot more aversions (basically everything). I found that from weeks 6-10, I could only stomach eating very bland, high carbohydrate foods. Basically the exact opposite of what you should be eating when you have PCOS. My doc assured me that for the time being, it was fine. I subsided on saltines, Annie's shells and cheese, toasted english muffins w/ peanut butter and strawberry preserves, and the occasional ginger ale. When I did eat, I could barely eat anything. Around 11 weeks my nausea subsided and I began craving red meat. Think steaks, ground beef, chili, cheeseburgers, cheeseburger pizza, cheeseburger soup...you get the picture. While it's not a constant craving these days, red meat nearly always sounds good. The strongest craving, though, was definitely right before we went home for Christmas to tell our families and I suddenly remembered this artichoke dip that my mom used to make. I hadn't had it or even thought of it since high school...so over 10 years ago. It popped into my mind and sounded SO SO GOOD. I texted my mom to tell her that I just remembered it and now I wanted some. Being the best mom ever, she had it waiting for me when we arrived for Christmas a few days later. She was thrilled to learn that it was a pregnancy craving she was helping to fulfill. I am not ashamed to say that after over a month of barely eating, I downed nearly the entire dish myself!
Aversions: As previously mentioned, basically everything. The most disturbing was my aversion to coffee. Prior to pregnancy, my favorite daily ritual was drinking my morning coffee while reading blogs. I couldn't function without it. I stopped drinking caffeinated coffee as soon as I found out I was pregnant and instead switched to decaf. As soon as 6 weeks hit, I couldn't handle the thought of if and have been off of it since. I'm nervous my taste for coffee won't return, but surely it will. SHHHURELY!
Other Symptoms: I never vomited, but I had near-constant nausea from 6-10 weeks. I think a lot of folks didn't take it too seriously because I wasn't physically ill, but let me tell you...walking around on the verge of puking for 5 weeks is MISERABLE. I just gagged constantly. Other symptoms included lack of appetite, seriously sore boobs, tons of burping, and the ever-loathed first trimester exhaustion. Soul-sucking, bone-crushing exhaustion. I had to travel quite a lot for work between weeks 6-10, which was about as pleasant as you can imagine. Sick and exhausted with a bunch of coworkers who don't know you're pregnant. It was basically the worst part of the first trimester.
Weight: Due to aversions and nausea, I ended up losing about 8lbs during my first trimester. I'm now at 16 weeks and have finally gained about 3lbs back. My doc doesn't seem terribly concerned, so I'm choosing not to be concerned either!
WHEW. I think that's about it. I apologize for the incredibly self-indulgent amount of information. I know I'll be so glad I documented it, though. And my hope is that some other women might stumble upon this and enjoy it the way I have enjoyed so many other blogs with similar info! Thanks for reading along!
