Loving the heck out of our goddaughter and niece until we have one of our own. |
Miscarriage didn't cross my mind until the moment I was pregnant. Then it basically didn't leave my mind until I did. I've since learned that miscarriages are much more common that I once realized.
It's been about 6 months since I miscarried, and these days, I'm mostly okay. I don't cry as often anymore and the waves of sadness are fleeting. But the thought of it is never far from my mind. Every morning it's my first thought, as I record the day's basal body temperature. Each month that passes, I imagine what it might be like if I were still pregnant. I was only pregnant for a few short weeks, but I had enough dreams to fill a lifetime. As what should have been my due date approaches, I expect to feel a growing sadness, but maybe also a little bit more acceptance. I know this Thanksgiving and Christmas will look a lot different that I had once thought, but I hope to find some peace.
As we continue to try for another baby my original fears have come to fruition. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) shortly before we conceived. I expected that we would encounter difficulties initially and was shocked when ended up pregnant on our third cycle. This success resulted in my becoming a bit over-confident about our ability to conceive. We are taking slow, purposeful steps to help manage my PCOS, but that is another post for another day.